a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
