Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
