Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
