i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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