So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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