yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
