I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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