so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
