Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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