Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
