carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize