She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize