i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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