good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
