Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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