i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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