My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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