508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
