i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
