i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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