I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
