I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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