her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
