ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
