Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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