He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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