I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
