I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
