we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Randomize
