Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
