His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
