Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
