so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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