I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
