she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
