Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
a search helicopter?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
