haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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