He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
