I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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