How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
