She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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