I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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