I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
