If that was your dad, he is hot
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
