i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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