i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
