I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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