So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
