i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
