3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
