Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
