If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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