the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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