I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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