god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
