I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
