I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
