btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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