Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
