I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
