How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
