the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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