We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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