Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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