Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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