no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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