So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
