at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
