mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
