Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
