margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
